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Two weeks ago I had what I thought to be was one of the best dates of my life. We connected on so many levels, made each other laugh, and both admitted to having ‘middle school crushes’ on each other.

 Fast forward to a week later and the guy blew me off….

 So, I took myself out on the date I deserved.

I sat alone at a fancy waterfront winery for hours in the company of just me, myself, and I, loving every minute of it.

When I was younger, I remember feeling sorry for people who I’d see alone.

I used to think, ‘it must be so embarrassing to be sitting in a restaurant by yourself. Don’t they have any friends?’

The social pressure of having people around at all times was amplified as I got older and went to college. Living literally on top of others in a dorm, bumping into people regardless of the time of day on campus, eating lunch at the large dining tables, and having a different social event option to choose from every night of the week. I was surrounded by people at all times, and it unknowingly became a crutch.

My negative perceptions of alone time were heightened without even realizing it. I didn’t understand my friends who wanted to study by themselves or needed space after multiple nights of campus club meetings, free concerts, and other university events.

Having the constant option to socialize, I rarely found myself alone at all. It’s true that maybe I was afraid of spending time by myself, but even so I never had the option or motivation to find out if being alone was something I’d even enjoy. 

Then I traveled abroad for the first time in 2014, and I was forced to spend time alone.

Looking back at the reasons why I chose to study abroad at my own university’s campus (Gonzaga, go Zags) in Florence, Italy, I’m certain that part of it was the opportunity to have a built-in community. It was my first big international adventure, and I thought that choosing to study with the same school I was already familiar with would help with the transition.

Don’t get me wrong, it did help. The school was incredible, the staff was warm and welcoming, and my dorm hosts felt like family. However, that didn’t change the fact that I was faced with extreme loneliness for the first time in my life…. 5,388 miles away from home.

During week one I found myself starting over in the friend department while simultaneously starting over in both the language and culture department.

After the first three nights in Europe, I discovered that the desire to experience everything imaginable in this new place outweighed the fear of not having someone to do things with. I woke up on my last morning in Paris before our program started driving south towards our semester’s home-base in Florence and felt a deep yearning to breathe in the Parisian air one last time. Tired of partying from the night before, my roommates and other classmates I reached out to had no interest in waking up for an early walk for French pastries.

I didn’t let that stop me.

The energy that poured into me while my eyes consumed the Parisian architecture, taking bites out of my chocolate croissant, and feeling the brisk morning air ALL BY MYSELF is an energy I can hardly describe to be anything but pure comfortability in my independence. 

It was weirdly refreshing.

When we finally arrived in Florence I found that the art, pizza, locals, and culture was as rich as could be, and the excitement of all of these things began to fulfill me.

While I still had moments of missing home and feeling isolated, I found a new confidence in doing things independently that had been sitting under piles of dust before. I suddenly felt comfortable walking to my local café, ordering a cappuccino, and sitting alone. I became almost thrilled by the aspect of planning a weekend trip by myself where I could just show up and see what exciting new adventures I could get into and what brand new people I could meet. 

At that time in my life, I was only 20 years old. At 27 now, I realize this was the spark in a chain of independence, solo travel, and self-assurance.

I love planning trips alone.

I moved to China alone for crying out loud…

I now can sit at a restaurant with only my own company and feel proud.

I find myself silently admiring others spending time in public places with themselves, versus the judgment I carried towards them when I was younger.

So, feel free to blow me off again ‘man from hinge’ as I actually enjoy my own company.

Your loss.